you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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