I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He kissed a someone with a penis
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
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I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
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I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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