Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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