it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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