Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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