i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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