Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
