worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
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Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
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When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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