you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize