I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
