Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
