I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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