my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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