ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My ass is underappreciated
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
