Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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