Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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