Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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