The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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