You just made me feel so damn special
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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