Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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