On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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