Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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