epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
