A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
