There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
