I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
