You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
