oh god the rape fog is back!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
