miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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