I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
