Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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