There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
