they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
