she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
