apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
