The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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