I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
