you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
