I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
