I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
