she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
