I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
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I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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