We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
