I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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