How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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