Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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