so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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