I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
