You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
