Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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