I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
