I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
