Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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