He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
