Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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