i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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