apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
