for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we're making bets on your personal life
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
