Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
birth control should be required to get into college
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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